How deep does it go. Are you still using AA language. Do you still behave like a stepper? ….Maybe just a little? I guess that would depend how long you were in AA and how deeply involved you were. What does look like? What does that sound like?
“He went out” vs “He had something to drink”.
Sober – Abstinance,
“Are you drinking?”
they say ” Dry Drunk” vs He /she is sober without AA.
“Are you drinking now ? vs I say ” I don’t do that anymore” meaning I don’t answer their question because it’s none of their business. Or I answer it with “Hell yea, Yes I imbibe and I’m healed…I was never broken, I’m fine ! “
As far back as 23 years ago when I went into therapy, I learned that Bill and his Bullshit BB were wrong about a few things. 1) all that stuff about anger was for normal folks? What a shithead he was. I did rage work with a PhD. and boy did that change me. You many think I can get mad now…you should have seen me before. But a good year-or two, with a specialist in childhood abuse and even I felt like a new woman. Lots of rage, lots of sadness.
She said to me , ” you have never mourned your childhood” so I began to cry, 17 years sober and 35 years old back then, I cried like a baby. All that rage just covering up decades of pain. Pain that AA only hardened and did not help one the bit. Friggen loser program. Lets not forget all the self blaming AA forced unto me , compiling more low self esteem and “Oh , ‘m a loser kinda mentality” including , I’m broken.
Yes I started deprogramming when I first found Orange Papers in 2009 , and then I blogged on Stinkin thinkin…but many ears ago, when I was 4 years sober and 22 years old in 1979, i began to question AA at some levels. It was then I began to read as many other books to try and figure out a way for me to feel okay. I knew I had done the 12 steps right and read the book cover to cover and so I deep down knew those books and AA were never going to fix what did need some adjusting….( Notice I didn’t say Fixing)
So i’d like a list of comeback’s you use to their stupid wording. Wording you use when you run into them in the street or tools and techniques you use. Hank Hayes book You’ve Been Lied too. is good for this. Also just really paying attention to what you say and how you talk, if you are trying to deprogram and when you say an AA colloquialism- you stop- and re say it like a normal person would.
People not even in AA are also brainwashed and are using these phrases because AA is so intrenched in our media, TV and films. I usually see them in line at a coffee shop etc, and they love to throw that line out” oh- I’m so addicted to this Starbucks!!! hahaha …its just like crack” one young guy said to me as I put my straw into my ice tea drink. I usually say something like . ” no …your not addicted and no that coffee is not like crack…you just like the coffee, you like Starbucks ”
If you listen to the early shows I did on Blog talk radio/ Safe Recovery you can hear me deprogramming on the radio week by week. I think I am going to do another show about the books that helped me the most. Please share here would you the books that helped you with a link them if you want.