It's getting better, slowly

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This topic contains 13 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  britney 10 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #4393

    SallyGiz
    Participant

    I’m still glad I left AA. I’m still glad I don’t have to attend meetings, check in with my sponsor, be accountable, write, pray blahblahblah

    But, I’m sad. Profoundly sad.

    For over 10 years I thought these women at my home group were my sisters, my friends and my god given family.

    I left AA several months ago and haven’t drank. I think about it from time to time but I’m scared of where it will go so…I do the pros/cons from the SMART recovery and that really helps.

    They’re not responding to texts, facebook comments and the phone calls have dropped off to nothing.

    I’m blown away at how easy it was to have a built in family/support system when I went to meetings and I honestly miss it. It’s lonely.

    A bit sad because I thought all that friendship meant something 🙁

    Isn’t there a secret facebook group for us? I’ve pm’d massive but not heard back.

    #4394

    Kelly
    Participant

    I understand completely,I was sent to treatment when I was 15 I live in a good sized city but in 1975 there were only 2 meeting a week.Mostly old timers I was in and out for years,Idid manage to get 15 years sober. YesI know all about the so called friends lol, At 15 years Iwas 30 and had a malignant brain tumor guess how many visitors I had 1 cards none phone calls none,I wasback in 2 weeks and was avoided like I was contagious, That’s the last meeting I went to 30 years ago. I’m not thr same person Iwas in AA I’m better! I have a life now and good honest friends. Have a super day ☺

    #4395

    David
    Participant

    I think A.A. kept me from my full potential as a person by telling me I am an addict. I read the Big Book many times and all it did was remind me of negative triggers. I do not identify myself as an addict anymore but a man who is a new creation. I don’t talk like an addict, think like an addict, use like and addict so why call myself an addict and limit myself to that mold. I work in mental heath recovery and do some addiction recovery. We focus on whole health not just the spiritual. The spiritual was important to me but it was not enough to make me well. Oh and A.A. says you can make a God of your own understanding. Well what if your God says porn and smoking and a bad diet and toxic relationships are O.K. as long as you stay sober.Well for me I found a more clear definition of who God was and A.A.s version never worked for me. Oh it worked to stay sober but I wanted more than sobriety. I finally got medications for my mental illness and poof the desire to use went away because I felt good and my head was not crazy anymore. I left A.A. and changed my diet. I started an exercise program. I started doing volunteer work in my community. I got my sleep right. I built a support network of people who were not addicts who supported me in becoming successful in my life. I changed careers to work in recovery and give back to the world not just “a program”. I learned cognitive behavioral therapy to learn how to change my thinking and actions so I did not have to depend on meetings and a 85 year old program that you never graduate from. I found a way out of my addiction I don’t talk about it anymore it is of no interest to the kind of people who are in my life today. I share my recovery story with people I work with who want to recover but that is the only time I bring it up. I am healthy and happy and active. I have the best job in the world. I am not an addict anymore. Hi my name is David I am a father, husband, a Christian, an artist, I love people, and most of all I love who I am today. The people from A.A. act like I’m sick. Well guess what? I don’t want what they have.

    #4398

    Kelly
    Participant

    I don’t care what anyone calls it but I was a very heavy drinker and drugs? Never met one I wouldn’t do.I stayed sober but was was not happy joyous or free even though I was doing the right things. I had some great times in AA back in the day but the fellowship grew,Up popped the clubs and the close knit fellowship I knew changed changed.
    After I had surgery my mind cleared and my last meeting was forever ago. I had a lot of bad feelings but they took up to much time,I ran into a guy I hadn’t seen for 20 years he told all my AA acacquaintances he saw me and they said I thought he was dead
    dead lol,

    #4403

    jaswim
    Participant

    Wow David, it sounds like you got the same reaction from reading the Big Book that I got from listening to the meetings. Those meetings sometimes made me leave wanting to go out and get drunk all over again. Your right about the whole “god of your understanding” as well. From what I witnessed it did appear that for some it only mattered that they were now sober and so much else was still fair game. Finally, I myself take anti-depressants for depression and have for years, even during a long period when I did not drink. I am furious with what some in AA preach about taking things like anti-depressants and pain meds when needed. I had a badly infected tooth and had to have three root canals in two weeks while I was in AA. In a women’s meeting one day a fellow member chewed me out in front of everyone when she found out I was taking pain medicine to cope. She insisted I stop taking the medicine and that I needed to re-establish. I let her know that wasn’t happening and after my tooth healed I stopped taking the medicine with no problem. I know taking pain pills for long periods of time is not good and is risky, but this was short term and considering I have a high tolerance for pain, I was thankful for modern medicine. Then there is my brother, a long time AA member, who thinks I’m an addict because I take anti-depressants. I really do not understand his reasoning as anti-depressants do not make one high. If he only knew how much these meds have helped me and how dangerous it is for people in the program to be advising fellow members to stop taking their meds.

    #4623

    agrippa
    Participant

    Friendship?
    Not really.
    Sharing a common affliction is no basis for a community.
    It is just as likely to become “misery loves company”.
    At best, it is a place to be for a time until you get your act together.
    Then, leave.

    #4807

    marc
    Participant

    Sally I also have left AA and don’t hear that much from some of my so called friends. Fortunately I do have a couple guys that are in AA that are “real” friends. Most of the people in AA don’t have much and they pride themselves on how long they have been sober. I got 10 years I got 2 years blah blah blah. But basically a lot of these so called sober guys just go to AA meetings drink tons of coffee smoke cigerattes and don’t do much with there lives. But they are sober. Go out and get some hobbies and enjoy your life. Find some new friends and get active.

    #4830

    Nunya
    Participant

    My AA friends have mostly abandoned me. I was sober 14 years. I decided I wanted to try to drink moderately and I left AA. It was a process.

    There is such a chasm between what I thought was true and what is demonstrated. ..I thought I could not safely drink…I would obsess about drugs and drink excessively. Wrong. I thought I had so very many friends who would continue to be my friends after their fear and concern was soothed by my failure to get drunk. Wrong again.

    The worst thing is that they pretend they are still my friends. AA does not allow them to be ugly: they must be honest open minded and willing..free of fear and resentment. Ergo…they are fake as plastic grass at a funeral.

    I’m chronicling my path at http://www.cultdrama.com
    Comments welcome.

    #4840

    massive
    Keymaster

    Thank you for posting here. SORRY your friends have abandoned you. This is so typical in AA when a person leaves. I have very few friends left as well. I was sober in AA for 36 years. Even some in Hawaii who I thought were die hard friends never call. . They are afraid like I have some sort of “Disease ” that they will catch if they see or talk to me. AA is a cult like community. Once you leave—–well—–they are brainwashed……Welcome.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  massive.
    #5295

    Karma
    Participant

    SallyGiz– Think about what you just said and what it means. You are ‘fitting in’ and so you have friends. you choose to have on original opinion or make a personal decision or have an original thought– you’re ostracized. Are those truly your friends?

    Friends don’t have rules, outlines, or expectations to be met in order to remain friends. F-’em.

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