Hi. I am new to this site and although I am also doing a bit of SMART Recovery I am having a lot of fear about AA. I have been a member for 6 years and after completing my steps I came to the personal realization that I didn’t experience anything miraculous. I didn’t come to some grand spiritual awakening and most of what I learned through the steps could have been achieved through a support group that didn’t have such a religious component. In fact I found the religious aspects of the program really were detrimental to my well-being.
I have also found that the more I go to meetings, the more upset I am. I will be fine, go to a meeting, and come home upset from all the drama that happens there. I really feel I am done with AA. I have no desire to drink.
Although I feel good about my decision I am worried about letting down the people I have grown close with in AA. I feel that they will want nothing to do with me, which is fine but I live in a small area and I know it will be awkward to run into them. I know that despite the fact that I will continue to not drink they will all think I am back “out there” or a “dry drunk.” All I know is that being involved with these people seems to be the only think that recently makes me want to drink.
I suppose I am looking for advice on how to handle this. Some of the people were great but I am not looking forward to having to tell my sponsor I am done. I don’t do well with conflict and so my current plan is to just slowly disappear. I am hoping they just kind of forget about me if I lay low.
On the upside I am looking forward to my life without AA. I feel it was helpful for a bit but now it just doesn’t fit my needs. But really any feedback about how to handle the awkwardness of leaving would be appreciated.