Nervous and Lost

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  curiousgrrl 7 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #5464

    curiousgrrl
    Participant

    Hi. I am new to this site and although I am also doing a bit of SMART Recovery I am having a lot of fear about AA. I have been a member for 6 years and after completing my steps I came to the personal realization that I didn’t experience anything miraculous. I didn’t come to some grand spiritual awakening and most of what I learned through the steps could have been achieved through a support group that didn’t have such a religious component. In fact I found the religious aspects of the program really were detrimental to my well-being.

    I have also found that the more I go to meetings, the more upset I am. I will be fine, go to a meeting, and come home upset from all the drama that happens there. I really feel I am done with AA. I have no desire to drink.

    Although I feel good about my decision I am worried about letting down the people I have grown close with in AA. I feel that they will want nothing to do with me, which is fine but I live in a small area and I know it will be awkward to run into them. I know that despite the fact that I will continue to not drink they will all think I am back “out there” or a “dry drunk.” All I know is that being involved with these people seems to be the only think that recently makes me want to drink.

    I suppose I am looking for advice on how to handle this. Some of the people were great but I am not looking forward to having to tell my sponsor I am done. I don’t do well with conflict and so my current plan is to just slowly disappear. I am hoping they just kind of forget about me if I lay low.

    On the upside I am looking forward to my life without AA. I feel it was helpful for a bit but now it just doesn’t fit my needs. But really any feedback about how to handle the awkwardness of leaving would be appreciated.

    Thanks to anyone who has any advice.

    Curiousgrrl

    #5465

    jawn
    Participant

    I say go with your gut. If they’re really your friends they’ll still be your friend regardless of whether you go to meetings anymore.

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  jawn.
    #5467

    curiousgrrl
    Participant

    Thanks jawn!

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