Why I left AA – A dehumanizing, selfdepricating organization

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  AnonRaven 11 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #5186

    cobright134
    Participant

    Hello all! My name is Carrie and I cannot say how happy I am to have found this website. I felt as though I was crazy for growing a deep hatred for AA and leaving the program. Here is a bit of my story, I am wondering who can relate.

    I come from a long heritage of alcoholics, the irish variety, and two years ago when I turned 21 I moved out with one of my friends and that is where drinking began to take a hold of my life. Living a year in that apartment and drinking absolutely everyday was easily one of the worst experiences of my life. I was extremely unhappy and fed up with not having a choice of whether or not to drink. One thing lead to another and I ended up in rehab, a 12-step rehab. We were taught to believe that there is no other way than the program, to live, eat breathe and sleep the damned program.

    Naturally, once I got out of rehab, I immersed myself in meetings, sponsor / step work, and people from the program. I started to feel extremely ostracized from the rest of the world. Even when a ‘normie’ (god, I hate that term) would speak to me on the bus I would clam up and feel as though I couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone who didn’t live the program. My anxiety got worse, I was worried I wasn’t working a solid program or that the people in AA, all my supposed new best friends, didn’t know me or like me. Every single meeting I heard the same shit, that we all suck and AA is the only reason that were acceptable humans. Well, frankly that’s bullshit. So after about 7 months of AA I marched myself out the same door I came in and left ‘the rooms’.

    I’ve been gone now for about 5 months and I can’t even begin to describe how much happier I am. I feel like a real person, I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t drink, because truly, I am happier and a better person when I don’t, not because if I pick up a drink I am going to die or go to jail. The truth is I have had a drink since then. Three or four different times I have had one drink, ONE DRINK, and had absolutely no desire to have another. Frankly, I have actually realized that I PERSONALLY like myself better when I don’t drink and that it makes me happier so I am making the PERSONAL decision to not drink and that empowers me. The program did the exact opposite. And don’t even get me started on the 13th steppers.

    I feel as though there needs to be many more options for people who feel as though their drinking is making a negative impact on their life. If the program works for you, all the more power to ya. But for some of us it does not and I want to say that I am proof that it does not work for everyone and that there ARE other options to live a solid, fullfilling and joyous life. (happy joyous and free!!! … just kidding)

    Anyways I just really wanted to share that and hope some of you can relate and maybe we can chat!

    #5187

    massive
    Keymaster

    Hi Cobright 134 and welcome ! I just read your post . You are so lucky to have have gotten out of AA so young. I got caught up for years. What a cultish group. ANYWAY welcome. You can also introduce yourself on the normal part of the blog. I have it in moderation mode because I had too many trolls fro a week when they knew I was in hospital. But I am out and doing better.

    Again— I am happy for you. You may like www. blogtalkradio.com/saferecovery. Lots of funny shows tearing up AA and the BB.

    Also shows where I interviewed many non AA professionals who started OTHER ways.

    #5273

    Bobe
    Participant

    Cobright134 I am right there with you in our experiences. Extremely similar! How are you doing couple months later since posting this? 🙂

    #5318

    AnonRaven
    Participant

    Wow. So many similarities to what I just posted. We are also of similar age and the rehab thing to boot. I totally agree on the need for more options. AA just talk them down as though they would be stupid (e.g. therapy, CBT) but AA just made me feel bad about myself and untrue to my beliefs. You deserve a happy life and well done.

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