Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

turkeyI reamer those early year sin AA leaving my Dad’s h9uose in Hawaii and going to my first alka thon with my sister. It creeped us out even back then in the 1970″s.

It was s nice to be out of and gone from AA

this was written by blogger ILLBEFREE its needs to be here.


Last Thanksgiving to now…

One of the things my ex sponsor(s) insisted I do was to stop spending time with my family–especially my mother. While I drastically cut back on visiting and calling my mother/family… I did not 100% cut all ties. (She’s my MOTHER for goodness sake! We were BEST FRIENDS!) This was always a point of contention. (I want to kick myself now for doing it at all as my mother’s and my relationship has changed forever due to AA people. My sponsor proudly stated that she always hated her own mother. I should never have listened to someone with obvious “mother-issues” in regards to my mother.)

I usually make Thanksgiving dinner with my mother. I go over to her place and we cook all night in between sips of her favorite champagne. She usually falls asleep and I end up finishing it all on my own…the cooking and the champagne. LOL Our little routine was always fun for me…and her.

Until…AA to the un-rescue!

Last year I did not go over and cook with my mother. I made my dish alone the night before Thanksgiving and brought it over the next day. I promptly went home after dinner…feeling GUILTY for being with my family as I had been forbidden.

I texted my sponsor the next day to see if she was going to one of those “alcothon” things she had taken me to the year prior. She sent me an annoyed text back.

I felt guilty for not going over to my mother’s and allowing us to just enjoy the holiday cooking together the night before Thanksgiving.

I felt guilty for even attending dinner the next day.

I felt stupid.



Like drinking alone…

I was really wondering what in the world I was doing in that crazy AA world that made absolutely no sense–ever…not really. But I didn’t want to die…not really, I guess. They persisted in prophesizing my imminent DEATH.

As a suicide attempt survivor I wanted to celebrate living 30 years after the attempt as a teenager. All they wanted to do was remind me that I was surely on the brink of death. It triggered so many old, old memories and traumas for me that I had spent years working to balance within myself with counselors and on my own.

I thought I was ok…until AA stepped in.

Last year on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, my sponsor called to tell me I was crazy, accuse me of getting “high” for taking Kava-Kava supplements, say she finally got my “hints”, advise me to get another sponsor, “Since so many other people like you so much and want to sponsor you so badly!” she spat resentfully, ” And why don’t you try those alternatives you keep mentioning!”

(Yes, at the same time: get another sponsor & try those alternatives she says.)

That was then…

This year…my mother did not want me to come over and cook with her. She is not angry or anything, but she had to adjust to my acting like I didn’t want to spend as much time with her anymore. I never told her I was in AA. I didn’t want her to worry and think that it was her fault…and all that guilt stuff that mother’s go through when their offspring suffer. So, I kept it to myself. She couldn’t understand why I was sort of backing up off from her though. (That hurt her. I felt so guilty. She did not deserve it.) With time, my mother has expanded her horizons and even has a lil boyfriend now. :-D Which I think is GREAT!

The only thing in life that stays the same is that everything changes.

I can dig that…

It’s just when crazy AA people come into your life, twist it, turn it upside down, shyt on it, spit on you…pee on your shoe and SWEAR that it’s raining…that’s when it is a sin and should be a crime.

When they take a person and drive them to intensified anxiety, stress, depression and chaos and then just go on self-righteously about their own crazy AA-busyness as if they are some benevolent “miracles” and you are the loser for not drinking their Kool-Aid down…that is the tragedy and it should be a crime.

If I did to anyone what was done to me, I’d be sued.

It is malpractice and I want to know WHY this is allowed in this country. Really, now that Bush’s law regarding providing Mental Health Services the same as other medical services has been activated just in time for Obama’s Affordable Healthcare Act…more people will be seeking insured mental health and substance abuse services.


This should be a good thing, but knowing what I have learned this past year, it may mean that now the faux recovery racket is going to scam even more money and send more vulnerable people to unproven, ineffective treatment and dangerous meetings.

It is chilling to think of the implications.

This was a sad Thanksgiving for me…

I think I am going to skip all holiday stuff this year… I am not interested.

Baby killed by being shaken to death… Oh this is so sad!

nevershake a baby

This is so sad. Baby was killed by being shaken. Guess who did it. Guess what fellowship he belonged to…OMFG they are such pieces of shit!!!!!!


Its says where they met, where she was when her baby was murdered…etc They are both members of Alcoholics Anonymous…

NBC’s LAW & ORDER SVU -DELIVERS THE TRUTH ABOUT ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS AND 13 Stepping . Tonight’s Episode Rapist Anonymous…go figure.


Well, well, well… are the writers of Law & Order SVU reading our blogs and finally getting it right and telling the truth about AA? We hope so.

Tonight as I watched, I hardly could believe my eyes and ears as Mr 13 stepper , stepped up to the plate, he hit the nail on the head for me as a guy with 10 years of sobriety, slinging AA slogans like he began AA in kindergarten and what not….

I will not spoil what goes down but I do believe you can watch this episdeo for free this week on abc.com

AND if you writers out there are reading this….thank you from all us ex steppers…AA haters!!! 🙂

Season 15, Episode 9: Rapist AnonymousNov 20, 2013Detective Amanda Rollins (Giddish) helps her friend Lena Olson (Amy Seimetz) press charges against her lover when she accuses him of rape. But Lena’s history with the suspect and her proclivity for rough sex makes the he-said she-said investigation too difficult to pursue. When the case escalates to murder, a dangerous love triangle is discovered and Rollins is forced to confess her private life on the stand. Written By Anonymous- wait a minute….are they kidding… not posting the writer of this episode….are they an ex stepper?


Alcoholics Anonymous is “dangerous” Tell me…what’s your laundry list?

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1. You are told you are broken. Not true.

2. Sexual predators and violent offenders are coming there. No one is warning you or the public.

3. The philosophy is harmful, degrading and keeps ones self esteem low.  Just bad brainwashing.

4. Its antiquated quackery from 1935. It makes no sense, its never been vetted or researched.

5. Children have been molested in meetings.

6. Pedophiles are going there.

7. No one is in charge

can you list a few other reasons to run from AA?

Forgiveness… When to Forgive, why to forgive, how to forgive- What I learned… I DID NOT LEARN in Alcoholics Anonymous


One of the biggest false tales in AA is to forgive people who have harmed you. Sadly today this is so misconstrued. Bill and Bob were never talking about childhood abuse. But over the years this nonsense began to be spouted. When ever I heard this I always brought in a sane point of view but all too often on these anti AA forums I hear horror tales of sponsee’s telling woman and men “what was your part in it” or that “you need to forgive that asshole parents of yours”?

Fortunate for  me I got a good therapist in 1991 and did early child hood abuse work. Which Included the knowledge that I never needed to forgive my abuser. That part of healing from childhood abuse work did not include forgiving them. I was shocked. I was relieved. I cried. I cried alot. She told me I needed to just mourn all of it. I did.

I went to very few AA meetings during this time. I mothered my first son and began some real healing that I never did from AA bullshit steps.

One never has to forgive to heal from that. Many years later my abuser made many attempts to change their behavior and mend the old past. It took many years, but I found after other healing work I did , I forgave them in a certain way. But I would never forget what they did to me. AND that I could not trust them ever in certain things…probably ever…but that was realistic. ANd giving up hope that they would ever change was good too.  My therapist was not in AA …She now knows all about AA predators and told many because of my work.

Forgiveness is thrown around and  around in AA halls like a bag of balls, a bag of dirt and bag of crap…all wrapped up into one. They are soothsayers who are rather stupid. They think they can make up who GOD is …or is not….no one can do that.

They are an arrogant group…

Sometimes I hear people who are not even in AA talk AA forgiveness shit about , moving on…

AA and its writing community is entrenched in our culture …from  WRECK IT RALPH to FINDING NEMO to FLIGHT with Denzel washington.

We need more Gabrielle Glaser’s and hopefully Ilse’s and Stanton’s forth coming book will create another ripple in the pond of sugary Dr Drew/Dr Phil philosophy Bullshit to dismember the head of the AA beast in American Culture and Media.



Have you, a  loved one or a friend got a DUI recently or ever? I have not, but from this work I  discovered about Court ordered coercion for DUI’s and for criminals, both sexual and violent offenders.  I am putting this problem in my film. It is the reason AA is so big.

Maybe you were court ordered by a judge which is against the Bill Of RIghts. Your 1st amendment rights!~

I know 3 people who are very close to me. One family, one friend and one friend of a friend.

I found out after I left AA that it is a violation to be forced to attend to AA/NA. Yet no body knows this. I am very disturbed by this and am taking  action to change it. I encourage anyone out there to join me. I have made pamphlets  to hand out and I have gone to a few AA meetings and handed out these pamphlets to those who are getting their court cards signed. They were very excited to see they had choices.

These are the professionals we need to get these pamphlets to:



DUI’s – those who get the tickets

Probation Officers

Those attending the class you are sent to AB530-

A woman called into the show yesterday and gave us some facts.

In the first 40 years of AA they sold 30 million Big Books.

In the the second 40 years they sold 30 million Big Books. What Happened?  Professionalizing of AA …called rehabs and treatment centers, and drug courts and stupid AB530 classes that cost $675.00 ….some sell  a book for $24,000 for one month in rehab! Some charge Insurance Blue Cross Anthem $1000.00 per day for AA crap, A bed on a floor and AA meetings galore.

If you will go to  one local courthouse, one AA meeting where there are many DUI’s and or contact 1 lawyer who handles DUI’s I would appreciate it.

contact me at makeaasafer@gmail.com Remember the ripple effect. Each person you tell will tell 3 more people and they will tell 3 people . so for every one you tell 50 more people will know ….if we have a person in every city …..then we have hundreds , maybe thousands to be educated and empowered. Stop AA coercion and AA will get right sized. Very very small…..think of the moose lodge….LOL 🙂


Terry -Founder of Orange Papers On Blog Talk Radio Safe Recovery- Tomorrow at 4pm PST – 7pm EST !

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Exciting News all you ex steppers/anti steppers and the like…

The Founder of famous and million hits a month blog ORANGE PAPERS www.orange-papers.org will be my guest tomorrow. Please join me for a one hour show.orangewavespic

We may even take some questions at the end.