Have you ever found yourself walking your dog, taking a shower, or driving your car and somehow having a conversation in your head with what a stepper will say to you? I have. So how long will it take till it stops? I know that I am making a film about it so maybe for me its different, but something tells me …maybe not. Maybe we all go through this.
The other day I thought to myself as I was thinking about this. WOW this is what someone is thinking when they finally blow their brains out. When will this stop.
I think it has partly to do with the way the 3 pieces of literature are read at every meeting and they are read in a very hypnotic way. The brainwashing is deep.
I am curious as to what some of you think regarding this. I am also interested in hearing about how long you went, how long you have been gone and what helped you most to get this crap out of your head!!!
In regards to time… .include the years you were there even if you drank. It all matters in this survey. Example . You attended AA for a total of 11 years. But you drank 3 or 4 times over those years. Just say you are in it 11 years for the purpose of my survey.
If you want to include how many people you knew who killed themselves too. I knew 5.
I recently attended a huge AA GS event. There were things said in a late night roundtable that made me see how its dying internally. I mean really dying inside. There were some nice sane folks there. Yes they believe stuff I no longer believe, but the sane ones think that many things need to change. So why are they still there and we are free? I don’t know.
First off I was there to give out more safety pamphlets for the last time. You might say, why bother, why try to make it safe. Let them rot in their sexually predatory mud pit . But what I do know is that the safety pamphlets empower people and when they try to go back to there groups and make it safe and they get ostrixiced. They leave….So its really my last act of going inside because I know this is what took me out and I am so friggen happy about the fact I now see AA for what it is and that I left.
And to talk to certain ex trustees about safety. Many people came up to me wanting the literature and telling me stories about problems all over the Pacific Region. I did speak my mind there about court ordering of violent offenders and sex offenders. This event constitutes 15 regions and 9 states. A speaker from the podium in front of 500 members or more who was a trustee talked about women getting raped in huge numbers by AA men. It was kickass how she talked. They all respect her.
But here is what I heard and saw there… This is no new young blood at the GS events. Even the good nice members think AA needs to change, deal with the fact it’s so religious and change that and deal with safety. But you and I know that AA in NY is too stubborn, rigged and arrogant and Fat with money and power. So that makes people lazy. It makes them lazy.
Its true …they mostly talk about promoting their agenda and how to get new recruits. I felt so happy and “grateful” that I am free. I didn’t feel connected and I felt like an outsider in a really great way. btw we never held hands and said the Lords Prayer. I stayed apart. They noticed. God it felt good to not pray with them!!!
I was in from 1975- 2011. There were 10 years when I first had children that I went very infrequent, thank goodness. I was abstinent 37 years. I am normal now. They lied. My “disease ” was not doing pushups in the parking lot. What a stupid saying ….
I am free now.
It took me about 14 months to deprogram enough to know all the lies and to be free of the Bullshit. It took me a year to stop crying about wasting 36 years in AA . I cried too many times for harming my children with AA bullshit and lies.
What did I do to deprogram?
I read the OP ..there was no forum then …Thank GOD! They would have ate me alive.
I blogged on Stinkin thinkin nightly while watching old episodes of Law & Order SVU and Criminal Minds.
I read new books by Stanton Peele
I went to Smart & SOS meetings here and there. I realized I was tired of meetings.
I blogged and and I answered calls form all over the country by women and men who had been harmed.
I love you all today. I know I don’t know you all. But those of you I know.. I love you guys and gals for all your support and sh*t you gave me as I left. :)))))) …I think I just love bombed!
If you are still concerned how big AA is I suggest you to go an old big meeting and see how big it still is. You might be surprised. Oh and I don’t label myself either.
Dont go alone. Bring a normal friend for support. I have done this only because of my work and my film in different states and AA is shrinking.
Stanton Peele told me that the numbers have gone from:
1.2 million to 800k in the US and CANADA in the last few years.