After Leaving AA- being in the Real World.

alcohol drinks pic

Okay—- so you’ve been gone from AA for how long—- a few days, weeks, months—maybe two, three or four years.

At what point do you feel a part of the real world. For each person it is unique. Certainly not when I first left. I was super happy to be gone — but, I still felt like I was living in the “in between” .  I didn’t’ drink and I was still abstinent. I didn’t care about my “time”  and I was embarrassed I had spent those years ” in ” AA—- what ever that means.

It was hard at first because I was so mad I spent those years in AA. And the longer I was gone, the madder I got that I was so brainwashed. I never missed it. Maybe its because I was an Active GSR the last two years that I was there. WOW was that horrid.

AA GSR’s are expected to go to the most =boring monthly meetings for two years. Sundays at 9 am – rain or shine –Mothers DAY — really — yes—-  GSR meetings— A Westside District meeting on mothers day, fathers day, Easter, you name it—-they did it.

There were countless Area and District meetings ( One day workshops ) and ridiculous  all day weekend events for you to go to and listen to nothing  and I mean nothing what so ever happening. But I was there with Kali trying to talk about Safety and our pamphlet. So even though some liked what we were doing and we had support from the Peanut Gallery and a few good AA members—-many began to ice us out and hate us and judges us and not discuss Sexual Harassment in AA. So it was easy to walk away after I tried really hard to fix what I was uncovering.

It was the Murder of Kristine and Saundra Cass in Honolulu , Ha . in August of 2010, that took me out ……

and the way AA in NY and  AA in Los Angeles, CA handled the shutting us down in regards to Member safety  and sexual predators. I was glad to walk away with my head held high.

After i was gone from AA about 14 months I was at a party and tasted a drink when it dawned on me that I was no longer IN…AA. A freedom I had never known washed over me. It was like the promises read in the stupid Big Book were happening as I sipped a simple cocktail with no desire to get drunk , with no wish to have more.

Further more — that desire never came either. Now some three and a half years later. I’m a light weight. And the times I have enjoyed with NORMAL women and friends having a lovely glass of wine is immeasurable and beat out any GSR meeting I ever went to. Or the countless service commitments I did.

I think AA should be sued for going into grade schools, my grade school,  looking for future children members. For Christ sake…even Bill Wilson got to drink into his 40’s  ….

Happily gone from AA.

Sad I wasted many years there.

Sad I said stupid stuff to my kids when they were teens.

I still hate how much AA jargon is a part of Americans language, Tv , FIlm  and culture.

Ce La Vie’

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51 thoughts on “After Leaving AA- being in the Real World.

  1. Interesting how you choose alcohol as your picture, just because you are not alcoholic does not mean it is a wise choice for everyone who left AA to drink. There are other things to celebrate in life other than finding you were teetotal unnecessarily.

    • It’s my blog

      It’s my story
      I get to say what I want

      Go start your own blog

      And … After labeling myself a lie for 36 years
      It was exceptional to be free from that crap

      • Yes I agree…I sooo loved your story…I too discovered after 20 years not drinking in AA, that I can drink and have no desire to get drunk or crave alcohol all the time…I am terrified to even tell people for fear of the rejection I might get…and Yes, I do now hate AA too…

    • Try to imagine, if either the Las Vegas city council, or the New Orleans city council, banned alcohol. Each city, would sink into a major economic depression, immediately. People would starve, & there would be a lot more crime & chaos.

  2. Its just a picture and does not say anything that your post is suggesting. Perhaps you may like to take your little crusade to any of the other recovery sites and complain there too afterall they are littered with all sorts if alcohol and drug imagery too. Good luck.

      • That’s just your opinion dear lady, you are as entitled to it as I am to mine, but your reasoning in this instance is lame. This woman is promoting drinking to people who have had life threatening problems with it. I hope she can take some responsibility for her carelessness, but she probably doesn’t care.

        • I much prefer what she has to say than listening to a bunch a brainwashed people trying to tell me if I ever drink again I’m going to die. “It’s Jails, Institutions, and death” for you if you drink again! Why you may even want to avoid the Listerine!” Gee, I can’t believe I listened to that garbage. The only time I ever saw institutions was during my short stay with AA. Not hard for me to understand why.
          Do you really think fear mongering people into believing their going to die if
          they drink again is responsible? I don’t think so!
          Do you think rehabs charging patients thousands of dollars for the crap of lies they feed you is responsible? I’m furious over that one still! I myself, drink in moderation today. The only thing your correct about is that some people should not drink, but it’s not because they have a disease, because I don’t believe for a minute that is a disease and I am not powerless, but some do not have enough self control and others are too brainwashed by AA to chose otherwise.

        • Go get drunk.

          Cut your internet access.

          Comments like yours reinforce to people just how useless and brain dead aa is.

          I’ll buy you a drink with an e transfer if you want though.

  3. Massive – I liked this story about your evolution, especially your comment about finding your freedom. Do you think that the freedom you felt was the sudden realization that there was no need for you to be fearful? Personally, I never felt I really “fit” in AA because I wasn’t afraid of either the present or the future with respect to drinking. It always seemed to me that AA was built on fear and not freedom. The harping about jails, institutions and death is clearly about instilling fear, and the focus on “one day at a time” is about preserving fear (i.e. making people fearful about even thinking of tomorrow). How really “free” can a person be if they really believe that their options are participating in AA for life or facing certain institutionalization or incarceration or an untimely death?

  4. To be able to think for myself and not be brainwashed by the constant fear-mongering is so good. The lies and the false Promises kept me in that cult for too many years, wasted years around sick & criminal people and constantly putting myself down cause being humble was the key to “Sobriety”/Clear”. Thank heavens I left that horseshit…

  5. When I left AA, I had a nervous breakdown for a few months where I literally could not get out of bed and be productive in society. Something like picking up a ringing phone or checking the mail was very trying on me for a couple of months. I understand now that this breakdown was due to trying so so so hard for far too long to make my round peg fit into AA’s square hole. It just didn’t work, I couldn’t get the parts to fit together and I just withdrew for a few months. But there’s a silver lining to this dark period in my life – today I don’t ignore my instincts and my gut reactions to whatever situation I find myself in. I stuffed my instincts and gut feelings about AA for so long that it’s almost as if my body and my mind demanded a “time out” so that I could get back on track with being a sane, contributing member of society once again. Last year I drank once and found myself able to handle it without the compulsion to continue and nothing embarrassing or horrific took place. While I was in Spain last year I enjoyed some wonderful sangria in a cafe in Madrid, and once again, nothing happened, no toxic reactions or horrific consequences. While I was in the airport in Lisbon in transit, I enjoyed a nice Portuguese brandy at an airport bar – that was so nice and I truly at that moment felt more free of AA. I have to admit that while at that airport bar in Lisbon I did a mental middle finger salute to some of the crazier people I have known over the years in AA. It’s been some years since I left the Roomz and for me, it’s been a slow process of getting the AA out of my head but I’m happy with the progress of my life and life for me without AA is much more authentic – I know myself now and I’m not trying to fit the role of some AA zombie. To anyone questioning AA, I’d say, based on my experience, listen to your gut instincts and if they tell you to run, do so without delay. LOL I guess you could call this “My experience, strength, and hope” – listen to your gut if AA doesn’t feel right for you and seek out an alternative.

    • Keep comin’ back, to nothing. Keep comin’ back, to a whole bunch of people, that don’t know you, & don’t care about you, just throwing around rhetoric. And telling you, to do something, that you can’t do. And that something, in question, is pray. Everybody just takes all of this wording, phrasing, & terminology, & kick it back & forth, like a soccer ball. It’s worthless, useless, & pointless.

  6. I compare leaving AA to the Truman Show. The second I walked out of the my last meeting, I felt the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders, but I kept the praying stuff for several months until I realized what a waste of time that was. It was like the Truman Show – it was a fake reality, but it seemed real when I was in it.

    • There has never been a single person, at AA, who has ever given a single example, of what they say, to their sponsor, or what he says, to them. That just goes, to further prove, that AA is worthless, & stupid. You’re better off, watching The Cartoon Network.

  7. rob- powerful post- I will respond when I can- not enough computer time to write what I need to say. But thank you for posting this….so sad what some go through when they leave a cult.

  8. I am in a similar situation as you found yourself. I have had time sober in AA but always seem to slip. When I do it’s bad, but I always drink to get drunk knowing it’s a horrible relapse as AA makes me feel. You say you can drink normal now. Were you ever really an alcoholic? Like did you get withdrawal and detox symptoms?

    • Brendan- No- I was not- turns out i bought into it even though I quit on my own …I am not a Doctor- or a therapist- we just talk about what happened to us—-kinda unlike AA….

      Have you checked out Hams Harm Reduction ? The 17 elements.
      Have you tried to use Naltrexone?

      I would try to deprogram from AA first.
      Do you think AA tenets are Bullshit ?

      Have you read non 12 step books by say Lance Dodes?

      Have you tried the 6 other free options. Like going to some Smart Recovery , moderation, of SOS meetings ? I have …. they fill your mind with non AA stuff ….like filling a glass with water emptying out the dirt. The Dirt is AA lies.

    • Brendan,
      I believe I can say that I was right with you on the fact that at one point I did drink a lot (daily 1-3x/day) I would have withdraws at times and every time I told myself I was going to quick (before attending AA) I ended up drinking. After being sober for some time and really getting to know myself, who I am, what I’m about, why I drink etc. I can now say I can drink “normal.” For me normal is maybe 1-3x/month. I don’t believe withdraws diagnose you with a “disease” they happen because you have made drinking a habit which might have turned into a physical problem. I too am not a doctor or a therapist this is just my experience. Good luck Brendan!

      • BOBE_ nice— “I don’t believe withdraws diagnose you with a “disease” they happen because you have made drinking a habit which might have turned into a physical problem.”

        CAn you tell that to the FACEBOOK group called Addiction Professionals for me please?

  9. Feels good to be outside that crap, I am fighting to get that HP “Genie in a bottle” brainwashing out of my mind-set, that crazy concept gives me so much needless guilt and makes me doubt myself to extreme levels. I heard it said that the first sponser does the most damage and I think that is the case, I had this stupid pathetic brain-washed fool in my ear for my first year in that cult and even today his nonsense still plays in my head. At least I can see it for what it is but it still angers that I was duped by a stupid brainwashed pathetic angry little stepper. That HP concept and the Promises are downright dangerous to a beaten down vulnerable person just getting off drugs & alcohol. I HATE THE BASTARDS!!!!!!!

    • Same here dude. I now know that aa has run its course for me. My first and only sponsor tried to pull my life down round about me and make my life turn to shit. I had moved country and made a life for myself with my Girlfriend he caused and stirred alot of shit the jealous wee fuck. so fuck him & fuck aa. He as you described was an angry bitter little stepper too.Thanks good post

    • I think its important to get out how mad one is about being duped and brainwashed. I feel you bitter. I’m less angry— but its been 5 years and I get to rant on my radio show or blog here.

      Its all cathartic.

      I have joined a professionally run support group for those who have left a Cult. So I will be letting you know how that goes.

  10. I’m so sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with AA. It’s been nothing but amazing for me. Sounds like you may not have been an alcoholic after all if you’re able to moderate your drinking. I am not able to do so. Best to you!

    • Jennifer- so why are you on a LEAVING AA site? That’s not really what people are told.

      Maybe take a listen to Tina Duprey’s story on NPR- THIS AMERICAN LIFE. Foster care took her to meetings at age 13, She was told by steppers that, ” She and many other teens had what they called an ” Alcoholic Personality”

      WTF is that.

      Ill tell you what it is. Total BS- now move along MS AA…..

    • Thank you! I dont know if I was, but I certainly am not anymore….it’s been a year and 3 months and no craving or getting drunk…

  11. Well it’s clear how you feel about AA. I’m sorry you had that kind of experience . I for one am a member for 22 years and a licensed addiction counselor in MA for 13. So I am speaking from experience. First I am a member of the real world, not the mis perceived cult like world you portray . I refer clients to AA, NA, SMART recovery and 1:1 counseling. I function mainly as a group therapist and case manager . Sadly, AA like any other organization has its share of jerks and I have met a lot of them. I don’t sit still for the so called “Big Book Thumpers” who have a my way is the only way attitude. AA has helped millions like me. It isn’t perfect by far but it has its place in this troubled world in which we live. I wish you continued success in your life. If you can safely handle moderate drinking than I have no place to tell you differently and I won’t . My path is set and for me it works superbly, allowing me to be a vital member of society.

    • Larry- Hi – you sound sane enough – are you aware of the extortion going on with Pilots, Nurses and Doctors+++ – a violation of your 12 traditions and a civil rights violation and 1st amendment violation. On top of that these professionals are FORCED and I mean FORCED to not only go to AA meetings 3 times a week, but to get a sponsor like they are : Professionals” and they ,must indulge the Society they are a part of like The FAA or Board of Nursing and Believe in the nonsense AA pro ports to be a PROGRAM – which I say it is a religious dogmatic group from 1935 nothing more and nothing less –

      I doubt that – AA has many cult characteristics as well. The Group think- The group is NEVER MORE important then and individual – many more markers for a cult which I cant go it no now – Holiday and all – more later

      have you watched the film The 13th Step >

      • Thank you massive…and also I do not know why I got stuck with that wacky toothy icon for this site…

          • this spring is 35 years on a path of better health

            but i knew aa was abusive the first meetings.

            i literally stayed trying to help others survive stepper torture/ that is plainly repeated every day in every aa meeting that say “you are dishonest if aa does not work and anytime you are upset its all your fault. ….its all abusive like that.

            i remeber sitting there in pain and them saying i needed to get grateful. – zero empathy or respect for my unpleasant feelings. poor me pour me another beer.

            and the shameless blameless toxic hero rehab counselors used aa’s blaming people for upset feelings to control clients easier – and then theyd flood meetings like emotional zombies until the rehab mind control wore off – then they’d wake up not knowing how to express respect or comfort their feelings – and guess what – they almost all relapsed.

            i noticed and mentioned the poor efficacy – response? – total shameless insane denial.

            the biggest traveling medicine show false spiritual cure malpractice in history

            1,2 million regular members with 1million sent each year by aa rehabs? thats a ghost ship not a fellowship.

            • HI – welcome – AA is dying internally – for sure with all the court orders and the rehab mini vans going daily .
              I will be happy when SMART recovery, Seeing a Doctor and Harm Reduction along with The Sinclair Method take the place of AA. America is filled with Cults .

      • Hi. Been a while since I’ve been here. As I said previously , in addition to being in recovery I’m a licensed counselor . In IOP we suggest that patients attend AA, NA, SMART Recovery, Refuge Recovery etc. It isn’t a requirement and we definitely don’t push religion. The main reason is that IOP ends after 30 days and most will benefit from some type of continued involvement in treating their disorder. We refer but don’t push.

        • HI Larry

          Thanks for posting

          Glad to hear you recommend SMART –

          do you also encourage MM and Harm Reduction ?

          if you dont push do you warn them of the dangers of sexual predators for women and gay men in AA and NA ?

          • we don’t do harm reduction . That’s a different focus and the program is only 12 sessions. I’m not familiar with MM. . We don’t spend a lot of time talking about predators but it’s a good idea. Discussion of each program is neutral and I don’t favor AA over SMART etc

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