Forgiveness… When to Forgive, why to forgive, how to forgive- What I learned… I DID NOT LEARN in Alcoholics Anonymous


One of the biggest false tales in AA is to forgive people who have harmed you. Sadly today this is so misconstrued. Bill and Bob were never talking about childhood abuse. But over the years this nonsense began to be spouted. When ever I heard this I always brought in a sane point of view but all too often on these anti AA forums I hear horror tales of sponsee’s telling woman and men “what was your part in it” or that “you need to forgive that asshole parents of yours”?

Fortunate for  me I got a good therapist in 1991 and did early child hood abuse work. Which Included the knowledge that I never needed to forgive my abuser. That part of healing from childhood abuse work did not include forgiving them. I was shocked. I was relieved. I cried. I cried alot. She told me I needed to just mourn all of it. I did.

I went to very few AA meetings during this time. I mothered my first son and began some real healing that I never did from AA bullshit steps.

One never has to forgive to heal from that. Many years later my abuser made many attempts to change their behavior and mend the old past. It took many years, but I found after other healing work I did , I forgave them in a certain way. But I would never forget what they did to me. AND that I could not trust them ever in certain things…probably ever…but that was realistic. ANd giving up hope that they would ever change was good too.  My therapist was not in AA …She now knows all about AA predators and told many because of my work.

Forgiveness is thrown around and  around in AA halls like a bag of balls, a bag of dirt and bag of crap…all wrapped up into one. They are soothsayers who are rather stupid. They think they can make up who GOD is …or is not….no one can do that.

They are an arrogant group…

Sometimes I hear people who are not even in AA talk AA forgiveness shit about , moving on…

AA and its writing community is entrenched in our culture …from  WRECK IT RALPH to FINDING NEMO to FLIGHT with Denzel washington.

We need more Gabrielle Glaser’s and hopefully Ilse’s and Stanton’s forth coming book will create another ripple in the pond of sugary Dr Drew/Dr Phil philosophy Bullshit to dismember the head of the AA beast in American Culture and Media.