My boyfriend lives by AA and I hate it

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  • #5571

    birdie76
    Participant

    My boyfriend is in AA and I feel that he uses it to make decisions for everything in his life including our relationship and it drives me absolutely crazy!

    I feel he’s so obsessed with it and it’s not good for him, because he is the type of person who can become addicted to ANYTHING including AA. At one point we were having issues in our relationship and he suggested we take 30 days apart to see how we do. That infuriated me as we are both two grown adults, I’m 39 and hes 42. I felt he was trying to do some AA work in our relationship by suggesting we take 30 days. We as a couple are not a 12 step program and I don’t want to take 30 days. I want to address our issues and find a resolution now as a grown adult should.

    Often I feel that he tries to use whatever he has learned in AA to manage our relationship or how he handles things in the relationship. Most of the people he is closest to are sober and he’s met in AA. And if they aren’t from AA, they have some serious issues of their own. is my boyfriend addicted to AA and the culture around it? It really seems like it to me. I’m a very intuitive person and I think I’ve grown to know him and his behaviors very well. How does one even begin to approach someone about this? I would love to try and shed some light into my thoughts about this with him, but I feel it I did he would blow up and become to angry at me. If I suggested it, he would most likely tell me that I’m trying to control everything in his life and that I’m bashing AA and that I don’t care about his sobriety which is the furthest thing from the truth.

    He’s someone who can’t sit still for a single second. He has to fill his days so much that he’s literally running from one thing to the next. It’s as if he is afraid to feel anything. He’s in constant fear. Even with our relationship. We have had problems and whenever we have he always turns to his AA guys. When we have any type of disagreement it turns into a fight and that turns into him wanting to break up.And when I ask him why he says because he’s afraid. I feel like AA has completely hijacked him. It seems as though he can’t make any life decisions without turning to his AA teachings for answers. He’s always using terms like “Codependent” that he learns in AA to reference in our relationship. It drives me crazy.

    I truly feel like they brainwash people into believing they can not survive without AA. Like it’s their be all end all. To me it seems like after going for an extended period, it could make someone really depressed. Constantly surround by all the negativity can surly do a number on ones psyche. You’re in a space where everyone is sick etc. Years of this can’t be healthy for the mind or soul.

    His life is AA. Often when I try to plan to do something with him, he’ll say, but I was going to go to a meeting. He tries to go to meetings a minimum of 3 times a week and if he doesn’t make them, he gets angry and makes a point to let me know he’s bothered by it.

    What does one do? I feel like he’s completely reliant on it.

    #5672

    massive
    Keymaster

    Sorry you have to go through this- Yes your instincts are correct. He is very brainwashed. Get him to watch my film The 13th Step or read a book called The Sober Truth.

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