Out of 12 step for one year now…

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    …and still out.

    Yet, I am very isolated and am now looking for some kind of a community that is not 12 step at all, and even a community that can reinforce that I do *not* need a 12 step program or way of life. Not only did it not help, it hurt me. Since I left the meetings, I have been stabler. I am just very isolated; have no car and no friends, except the people I used to see in meetings—and they were really not my friends, just acquaintances.

    I am also very tired of hearing from people, “Get back in the program and turn it over…” and other AA dogma. tired of my own mind playing over and over again, “There is no other way…”

    The first thing that compelled me to leave was being harassed by men and told, by men and women, that I needed to be at meetings, even though this was happening. I told them that I did not feel safe, as a woman, in the meetings, and this resulted in me being shunned. I was told I had an “attitude”. I was told I did not “go to any lengths…” .

    Also, I never fit in. I don’t believe in God, and I even tried to, but I still can’t and I will not keep trying to. I had gone to meetings since 1985 and I can’t believe that I stayed that long—must have been feeling so desperate and so lonely and so needy emotionally. Well, I have learned to think for myself and even be very creative about kicking my own addictions. I enjoy more time without my addictive behavior OUT of 12 step program. Minus the emotional abuse, ostracism, negative reinforcement, and sexual harrassment, I feel I can now focus on my healing processes.

    Thanks for being here.




    Try an app called Meetup. It has thousands of groups of all different walks in life. If you are into outdoors stuff or dinner parties or just about anything, there is a group for you.
    I have been to about a dozen of these, met lots of new friends and I never talk about AA. Its a nice change after all those insane AA meetings.



    One of the most positive features of AA is the “fellowship”. I actually enjoyed that and met some decent people but as I left the program only a couple people are still my friends. Which is OK. I got out of the basement and started living the life that I want to live. I am busy with a job, I play a lot of golf, love the piano, have a nice girlfriend who is not in the program. I tried a lot of dating in the program over the years and it didn’t work out to well lol. You have to find out what you enjoy doing that doesn’t involve getting wasted. I have a few drinks from time to time but don’t get wasted like I did years ago. I don’t enjoy being hung over anymore.



    Marc- Sounds like you have found what works for you now. SOUNDS like you are free. Im happy for you.

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