Is getting sober in AA – Alcoholics Anonymous -all credited to Gods Grace? Are those who fail not loved by GOD ?

Written by Jeanine C.

Hi All. **Warning- long post and I’m using recovery jargon that I don’t necessarily care for just for simplicity’s sake**

I’m thinking back to an ongoing disagreement I had with an old AA friend when I was about 20 and very new to the program. This lady had a very strong personality and I really looked up to her, I think mostly because I was so fearful of so much back then. I remember our discussions were about ego and “terminal uniqueness”. I kept trying to convince her that there must be some kind of credit that I, personally, could take for my sobriety.

I knew I was busting my butt going to 90/90, writing and calling people all the time. She insisted that every bit of it was the result of God’s grace. She was fond of saying,”We are all as unique as snowflakes but we’re all made of snow.” My gut told me back then that she was dead wrong. Sadly, my need for attachment to all the moms, dads and grandparent-type people I found won out over my true instincts. I remained for 15 years and eventually became a staunch supporter of this idea that for some reason God just blessed me and I better enjoy it and be grateful.

Fast forward to my “relapse” at 15 years sober with several “sponsees” and my whole life being enmeshed with AA and it’s really no wonder that I’ve had such an intense anger, almost hatred, for AA and its principles. I believed that sobriety was a gift for which I could take no credit but I was very aware that my peers- who felt like family- were very disappointed in me for relapsing. I feel sad as I look back at how broken I was and how abandoned I felt when I kept trying to “get sober ” again.

Of course I was broken. I was in an impossible situation that made absolutely no sense. The blessing in all this is the knowledge that I have an excellent gut instinct and it’s not only ok but very important that I listen to it. Hope everyone has a happy Friday. 😉