Why do some ex steppers hate AA so and others leave not so angry?

Recently on social media there was a new group of ex steppers who were talking about how AA had helped them. Now these same folks already were saying the many problems with AA and they were leaving, but they found some nice things about it in the beginning . But only the beginning. Now they clearly each had their issues with AA in numerous way.

There was a flurry of name calling, and the hard core ex steppers which I am one of,  started saying

” You guys don’t belong in here” ! “you are trolls!  “We have a right to be angry!” That I agree 100%.

Usually I am one of them, in there fighting with the best of them.  But I was tired from cooking for Thanksgiving and stayed off of FACEBOOK for most of four days.  But when I began to read the posts it was apparent to me they did like something about it -but now see it useless and problematic  and were moving on.

Something about this group make me feel they were not trolls- but rather like us in some ways – different in other ways. I chimed in – too late it was and they left in a flurry.  I followed them over and pm them- I wound up having a long talk with one of them –

It made me realize we have things in common  and that they too needed a group to feel safe to talk about why they were leaving- even though they said a few nice things about AA.

A few years back I would have had no patience for them.  Now I do.  I think the more ex members we have that can join together on certain aspects of the fight,  the better.

One of the big fights is over getting angry. In AA all through the Big Book and the 12 & 12 – the AA books tell its members that they cant get angry. That getting angry is “the dubious luxury of normal men” _ Like WTF does that mean. Looking back what a stupid thing to say to people – But I too was once so brainwashed.

I learned many years ago when I finally did therapy that getting angry is really healthy- stuffing it and pretending you are letting something go – when in fact one was abused as a child is absolute nonsense.

So if you are reading this post and you are looking for FACEBOOK groups to join – One is called simply

Leaving AA-

the newer one is called Leaving/ Questioning the AA Membership

My group that is a safe place for deprogramming and letting ex steppers to grieve and let their anger out is called Deprogramming from AA or any 12 step group.

You must answer all the questions to be let into the groups.